What Does It Mean To Be Trans or Gender-Questioning?

Gender questioning is a natural and normal part of human development, where children and young adults explore their understanding of gender identity and expression. It involves questioning societal norms, stereotypes, and expectations related to gender. Some may experiment with different pronouns, names, clothing styles, or hairstyles as they navigate their identity.

Gender questioning is not a disorder or a phase. It's a process of self-discovery that can occur at any age, but is often more pronounced during adolescence and early adulthood. It is important to remember that gender is a spectrum, and not everyone identifies with the gender assigned to them at birth.

People, at any age, can decide that the gender they were assigned at birth (the one congruent with their sex) is not the one they wish to live as. This is known as gender incongruence (a mismatch between your felt gender and the one everybody else thinks you are).

These terms are important to understand:

What Are The Myths?

Being Trans, Non-Binary or Questioning Your Gender Is A 'Trend'

Gender-Questioning Is Caused By Social Pressure

All People Who Question Their Gender Go On To Medically Transition

Trans Children Are 'Forced To Medically Transition'

How Can I Support My Gender-Questioning or Trans Child?

Listen, Validate: Let them know that their feelings are valid and that you support their journey. 

They need to know you are a safe place to explore this—even if you don't understand what is expected of you here, being a good confidant is key.

Educate Yourself: Go off and read about different people's gender identities and experiences, and the way we used gendered language as a society.

You can support your child by learning alongside them.

Respect Their Choices: Allow your child to express their gender in ways that feel authentic to them. If need be, help them do so—this might be by buying them new clothes, using their chosen pronouns or a chosen name if they have one. 

This might put you on a collision course with institutions and other adults, and that is fine. You are being true to your child, nobody else.

Seek Professional Advice: If you both decide as much, have a think together about seeking help from qualified professionals for support and next steps. These could be:

A word of caution: Be ready to advocate for your child and choose support for them carefully. Some professionals consider it their goal to prevent or delay transition, known as "conversion therapy" or "desistance therapy". Research has shown that these types of conversion therapy are ineffective in preventing transition and often cause long-term psychological harm (Higbee, Wright, Roemerman, 2020).

For this reason, the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists and UK Council for Psychotherapy forbid their members from engaging in this practice in their code of ethics. The Royal College of Psychiatrists continues to lobby the UK government to criminalise conversion therapy due to the associated harms.

National Resources