What Is Parental Guilt?

Parental guilt is the feeling of not being good enough or doing enough for your child. It can apply to parents, carers, or anybody who has that high level of responsibility for a child or a young person.Here are some of the common signs of parental guilt:

Constant worry or anxiety about your child's well-being.
Feeling overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities.
Doubting your parenting abilities.
Comparing yourself to other parents.
Feeling like you're never doing enough for your child.
Difficulty enjoying time with your child due to guilt.

What Are The Causes Of Parental Guilt?

High Expectations

Parents and carers often have an idealised vision of themselves as caregivers, and when they fall short of these expectations, they feel guilty.

Comparison With Others

Social media and other forms of media can create unrealistic portrayals of parenting, making parents feel inadequate when they compare themselves to others.

Balancing Work And Family

Many parents struggle to juggle work responsibilities with childcare, leading to guilt over not spending enough time with their children.

Children's Behaviour

When children misbehave or struggle with challenges, parents may blame themselves for not raising them properly. They may further blame themselves for not knowing what to do with these challenges.

Past Mistakes

Parents may feel guilty about past parenting decisions or actions, even if they were made with good intentions. It's not your fault.

What's The Answer?

Talk To Somebody You Trust: Sharing your feelings with a friend, family member, therapist, or other support person can help you process and manage guilt. If there isn't somebody in your immediate circle, it might be a counsellor or a coach you can speak to (like somebody at SPARK, hint hint).
Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you start to feel guilty, try to identify and challenge the negative thoughts that are contributing to your feelings. Are you the worst parent ever? Does everything always go wrong? Are you avoiding that opportunity because it will definitely end badly? Those are faulty and negative thoughts.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that you're doing the best you can as a parent. If you are not kind to yourself, it is hard to be kind to others.
Focus On The Positive: Celebrate your successes as somebody who cares for a young person—acknowledge all the good things you are doing for them, and also how what they are able to achieve and who they are is a sign of your success.
Be Realistic: Remember that no parent or caregiver is perfect. We all make mistakes. It's okay. You just try not to make them again, and to always improve.

Are There Other Resources Where I Can Find Out More?

This will largely depend on where you live.

Your first port of call might be your local Health Visiting (child is not school age) or School Nursing (child is school age) Services, depending on your child's age. You could walk into your local Family Centre, or your GP might be able to give you further advice on what is available locally to you.

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