What Is Mindfulness?
Have you ever found yourself zoning out while doing routine tasks like brushing your teeth or walking the dog? Suddenly, the task is done, but you barely noticed it happening? This is the "autopilot" mode we all slip into sometimes, as our minds wander to other thoughts.
Autopilot can be handy, letting us multitask and solve problems while handling everyday chores. But it can also trap us in a cycle of unhelpful thoughts and painful feelings, disconnecting us from the present moment. It's like watching a movie of our lives instead of actively living it.
Mindfulness offers an alternative. It's the practice of intentionally paying attention to the present moment without judgment. By cultivating mindfulness, we can become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, fostering a deeper connection to our experiences.
What Are Its Benefits?
Mindfulness is a powerful tool for wellbeing.
Extensive research shows that mindfulness can significantly help us manage challenging thoughts and emotions, while also improving our focus and concentration. How does mindfulness achieve this?
Grounding and Stabilising: Mindfulness anchors us in the present moment, fostering a sense of calm and stability even amidst turbulent emotions.
Emotional Regulation: By allowing us to observe our emotions without judgement, mindfulness enables us to ride the wave of feelings until they naturally subside, providing a safe and effective way to manage them.
Perspective Shift: Mindfulness creates a mental space from which we can observe our thoughts and emotions, recognising that we are not defined by them. This separation empowers us to choose how to respond rather than being swept away by our reactions.
Enhanced Awareness: Through mindfulness, we become more attuned to when our minds wander, making it easier to gently guide our focus back to the task at hand.
Impulse Control: Mindfulness cultivates the ability to pause and reflect before acting, giving us greater control over impulsive behaviours.
"So I tried it, and...."
“It doesn’t work for me!”
People often say, "Mindfulness doesn't work for me." This is usually because they expect mindfulness to make them feel a certain way. It's important to understand that mindfulness isn't about achieving a specific state; it's simply about being present with our experiences.
You might notice yourself feeling relaxed. That's a pleasant side effect of mindfulness, but it's not the aim. The aim is simply to be present as much as possible. You may also experience feelings—emotions, physical sensations—that you don't like. If that happens, see if you can approach those feelings with openness and compassion, without trying to change them.
“My problem hasn’t gone away!”
Another common complaint about mindfulness is that it doesn't solve problems. When facing difficult life events like exams, money worries, health issues, or relationship troubles, painful thoughts and feelings often arise. People might turn to mindfulness for relief, but then get frustrated when it doesn't magically "fix" the situation.
Mindfulness isn't a solution for life's challenges, but it can help you step back and observe your experiences. This can provide a fresh perspective, or help you figure out what else you might need to navigate through this difficult time.
“I haven't got the time..”
When people think of mindfulness, meditation often comes to mind, and finding time for it in our busy lives. But simply put, mindfulness is about paying attention. It's something we can do anytime, anywhere. You'll find some ideas below in the mindfulness exercises section on how to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine.
And a final thought on this problem: if you haven't got time to meditate for ten minutes once in your day, you probably need to meditate for ten minutes twice in your day!
And maybe the biggest reason, between you and me...
“I don't know what I'm going!”
This is not an uncommon problem. Where to start, huh?
If you have not meditated before, or practiced mindfulness, how do you teach your child or teenager to do it? As adults, a lot of us learn that to be shown up not knowing what we are doing is maybe just about the worst thing. Just like your child, however, you need to learn to do something somewhere.
Before you begin...
Establish your own practice: Just like you'd struggle to teach your child to ride a bike if you didn't know how, you need to practice mindfulness yourself before teaching it to them. The exercises below can help you get started. Don't worry if you don't have much time, there are plenty of simple ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life. Choose a daily morning routine activity, like brushing your teeth or having a shower. When you do it, focus completely on the experience:
In The Shower: Listen to the water spraying, hitting your body, and gurgling down the drain. Feel the temperature and the sensation of water on your skin and hair. Smell the soap and shampoo. See the water droplets and steam. Notice the movements of your arms as you wash.
Brushing Your Teeth: Feel the bristles against your teeth and gums. Taste the toothpaste. Hear the brush scraping. See the foam in the sink. Smell the minty freshness. Notice the movements of your hand and arm.
When Thoughts Pop Up, Acknowledge Them: Let them pass, and gently bring your attention back to the activity. Your mind will wander repeatedly – this is natural. Simply notice when it happens, note what distracted you, and return your focus to the present moment.
Keep It Simple: "Mindfulness" is a big word for children to grasp. You can introduce it as "paying attention"—noticing our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and what's happening in the present moment.
Check Your Expectations: Are you expecting mindfulness to stop tantrums or eliminate worries? If so, you might be disappointed. Remember, while feeling relaxed or reducing anger can be pleasant side effects, they aren't the primary goal. Mindfulness won't magically erase normal childhood behaviours like tantrums, loudness, or whining.
Don't Force It: If your kids aren't interested, drop it and try again later.
Practice A Little: If you're still not sure, watch some of the videos below. Practice along with them. Keep in mind the things that pop up for you, any sensations, thoughts, etc. How will they come up for your child? Try and see how they might make sense of this exercise.
Introducing Mindfulness Practice to Children and Young People
Now you feel you have established your practice? Try these:
Breathing Buddy: Young children might find it hard to "pay attention to the breath." Make it easier with a breathing buddy. Have your child lie down and place a stuffed toy on their tummy. They can then focus on the toy's rise and fall as they breathe.
Listen to the Bell: A simple way for children to practice mindfulness is to focus on sounds. Use a bell, chimes, or a phone app with sounds. Tell your child to listen carefully until the sound disappears.
Noticing Walk: Take your child on a walk and ask them to notice things they haven't seen before. Try a silent portion to focus on sounds, or walk slowly to notice what's happening in their bodies.
Gratitude Practice: Gratitude is key to mindfulness. Teach children to appreciate small things. Have a daily or weekly time to share what you're thankful for, like during dinner or before bed.
Personal Weather Report: Encourage your child to describe their current feelings like the weather: sunny, rainy, stormy, calm, etc. This helps them observe their emotions without getting overwhelmed. Emotions are like the weather – we can't change them, but we can change how we relate to them.
Spider-Man Meditation: For superhero fans, this is fun! Ask them to activate their "Spidey-senses" and notice everything they can smell, taste, and hear in the moment.
Make a Mind Jar: A mind jar is like a snow globe – shake it up, watch the storm, then watch it settle as you breathe and observe. Just like our minds!
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